Umm so since high school… I’ve been a litterer. The epitome of littering, I’ve thrown: food wrappers, coke cans, cups, bottles and cans, paper and plastic you name it! I would wait for the opportunity to throw trash out the window so that it was somewhere else other than the floorboard of my car.

Let me make it clear that I am in no way shape or form: a green person, not a hippie, not an environmentalist or a tree hugger, or a person who legitimately has deep concern with global warming issues. I personally believe that God put us on the planet as his favored species and genesis tells us that mankind is to tend to the planet we are the planets’ keepers. GENESIS 2:15 15 The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.  So what I was doing was wrong not only from a legal standpoint but also spiritually.

As far as the environment goes and I say – clear cut then replant, if it’s a legitimate species worth saving then yes provide a sanctuary and the land for it to survive on but if it’s some endangered bug, fill that pond with cement.

Man clearly has domain over animals but… like I said from an ethical standpoint I haven’t been acting correctly…

Now like a month and a half ago I started thinking about of what Lubbock looks like, if you seen Lubbock, TX you know what I’m talking about!

That whole, “don’t mess with Texas thing “ is bull dookie. People must just pour their trash in their back alleys or the dumpsters must not have lids cause there is trash everywhere.

And as you drive down the freeway you see trash, you even seen that here in Washington. You see trash, THE EVERGREEN STATE, hunks of tires, cans bottles, wrappers, TRASH.

Now people do their part to clean up and make it eco-friendly …but I haven’t been doing my part.

I want to confess that I individually have greatly been contributing to the littering problem.  Now no one turn me in to 5-0 , I’ve probably amassed like 60,000$ in fines. I’ve never thrown anything off an interstate overpass I’m not crazy! But I was an expert litterer, I did it constantly!

I would clean my car out on the drive home, I would look in my rear view mirror and do it discretely … pitch wrappers cans bottles cups plastic paper bags whatever, and I’m horrible and terrible for doing that.

I’m disappointed in what I used to do. I told my dad one day and he said “I didn’t train you that way, you disappoint me” but I am a reformed person, I no longer do that, I stopped cold turkey…didn’t wean myself off… like every other day… when I stopped I was DONE!

I said to myself “It’s wrong you’re adding to the problem!” Now I don’t want to get political or environmental and talk about how I killed mother earth and how I should buy 600 carbon credits.

It’s simply about stopping doing something when you realize or come to the conclusion that you’re acting inappropriately.

No longer will I litter, I stand before you now, I don’t do that anymore, and I’m done! I realize the error of my ways and I am a reformed litterer. I leave the trash in the car, and clean when I tend to it …

Now to me it isn’t sickening like an abusive father, but it’s disappointing that my goal was to clean my car on the sides of the road, I’m SHOCKED…that no one ever told on me. It would have been so easy to get pulled over

Enraged driver: Hello 911, yeah I’ve got a GMC driving down the road throwing out trash.

Operator: we’ll send the police right away!

I did it in Lubbock worse than I did it here, that don’t mess with Texas thing didn’t apply to me. BUT I’m not incorrigible. I will not litter anymore, and while I don’t plan to adopt-a-highway., I will not litter anymore!!

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The things people decorate their homes with are always funny. Some people buy the most random and useless garbage of which to adorn their houses.

But of everything I’ve seen the decorative throw pillow, throws me the most. (Ba dum pssh)

Okay so I understand that the throw pillow on the living room couch is there to tie the room together  – dude’s rug, big Lebowski, CLASSIC!~

And it matches the other colors of the room, and it is decorative. BUT, there could not be a more USELESS piece of furniture!

This thing gets thrown to the floor, moved out of the way or adjusted by every single person who sits down!

It should be called the throw (on the floor cause its in the way) pillow.

And the lucrative business savvy of the person that came up with the idea for the pillow made for decoration! Must be a bazillionaire.

Cause’ I mean, regular pillow at wal*mart: 6.99 (this one you sleep on, Nightly!)
But…

Throw pillow at Pier 1 imports: 22.50 , its imported, from Taipei.

 

The two only times I ever see the decorative throw pillow actually utilized is when some poor soul shows up late to the soirée –  and has to sit on the floor like a misbehaved child.

Poor guy is like – “on the floor? Really? you don’t have one extra folding chair, well put me at the children’s table while we eat too, geez, matter of fact, pass me on of those throw pillows, if I’m going to sit on the floor like a schnauzer, I’m at least going to be semi comfortable.”

Or …

When someone next to you or across the room says something crass or insulting, then it really becomes a throw pillow as you bean someone for being a butt.

The tags are always amusing on these pillows, the places these pillows come from and the advice they offer you for proper pillow maintenance. It really is a good read when the conversation gets boring.

Put em in your house, put 30 on your love seat, but they are useless even as decoration all they do is offer unneccessary additional symmetry.

Pet rocks mood rings furbys tack onto that….the throw pillow.   POINTLESS!

We use acronyms on the regular but has anyone ever heard of a BACKRONYM?

I have noticed recently that I as well as others speak shorter more than ever these days.

I mean I think it’s natch’ that we abbrev’ words and it can be an unfortch’ waste of time to use an exten’ vocab 🙂

BUT.. I am talking about acronyms.

For those of you “a tiny minority, I hope” who are unaware of what that is…acronyms are mnemonic devices used to put together several words or phrases in which new words are formed.

I’ll give you an example:

the news was going crazy back in 2003 as the SARS disease exploded and spread from Asia to the Americas. The name was on the tongue of every single person who read a newspaper and it became a regular vocabulary word!

Most just called it SARS, because that’s what the newsman said it was. But, it in fact was an acronym!

S.A.R.S actually stood for  Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome

These have become such an integral part of our lingo, we use acronyms every single day:

CD = Compact Disc, NATO =North Atlantic Treaty Organization

and

ATM machine: Automated Teller Machine machine < – – always funny in its redundancy.

And of course with the explosion of the internet and short typing there are countless acronyms to speak to someone more quickly:

  • * LOL = laugh out loud
  • * ASL = Age Sex Location
  • * CUL8R = See you later                ……………..ad infinitum

Curiously though, there are after the fact acronyms. They make the letters stand for something else. These are called Backronyms – – –

From Backronym – Dictionary.com :

backronym definition
jargon
(Backward acronym) A word which has been turned into an acronym by inventing an expansion, rather than the other way around. E.g. “ping”.

Wikipedia.com pointed out the distinct difference between an acronym and a backronym:

By contrast, a backronym is constructed by taking an existing word already in common usage, and creating a new phrase using the letters in the word as the initial letters of the words in the phrase. For example, the United States Department of Justice assigns to their Amber Alert program the meaning “America’s Missing: Broadcast Emergency Response”, although the term originally referred to Amber Hagerman, a 9-year old abducted and murdered in Texas in 1996.

It’s a little confusing between the two, I know….

but when you think about how an acronym is formed it can be messy and random

i.e. – FMSHRC = Federal Mine Safety ANd Health Review Commission

VS.

a backronym which takes the word and then adds new meaning like:

FORD = Found On Road, Dead!

A good explanation comes from http://wordsmith.org/words/backronym.html

When naming, sometimes a suitable name is chosen and then an acronym is retrofitted on top of it: the “USA PATRIOT” Act (Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism). The clunkiness of the expansion is a quick giveaway. How about forming a backronym for ACRONYM itself: A Contrived Result Of Nomenclature Yielding Mechanism?

Now, companies and organizations do this all the time, they have an existing word that sounds good and they build off of it as they add a word for each letter. Wisegeek.com asserts:

In some cases, organizations decide on a backronym to make themselves memorable; the National Organization for Women, for example, undoubtedly liked the thought of being referred to as “NOW,” so they may have chosen their name around the desired acronym.

Many of these “backronyms” end up being words that are made by forming backwards an acronym from a single word. usually it is done for comical effect.

A few examples:

  • ADIDAS – All Day I Dream About Sports.
  • SNAIL – Slimy Nocturnal Animal Invading Lettuce
  • DELTA – Doesn’t Even Leave the Airport
  • PETA – People Eating Tasty Animals

It’s funny because I’m not entirely sure what prompted this pursuit of syntaxical knowledge. I simply thought I should pass on my new knowledge of what a backronym is.

I think a couple of days ago I saw the word and paid it no mind; having looked it up though now I know that I, as well as most others use these every single day.

* BING = Basically it’s Not Google

*OBAMA = Overly Boastful About Minor Accomplishments

It seems that you can go so crazy with finding backronyms that there is even a

Backronym Generator http://www.opbarnes.com/revacron/revacron.php

All Right. Now you know!

Peace!

The Parody movie Decline

Posted: July 22, 2010 in Cinema, Film, Humor, movies
Tags: , ,

Remember When Parody movies were Funny?  Those days are fleeting!

When I was a small child, bear in mind I’m only 26, but I remember getting to watch old Mel Brooks films with my Dad.

The Satire and Parody were amazing. Amazing movies that mirrored the usual stories that you were used to but with wonderful examples of:

  • Heavy sarcasm
  • Over the top stereotyping
  • Legitimate mocking of serious films or serious scenes while maintaining the central plot
  • Comical violence/actions with no consequence
  • Twists on the usual chain of events

Now, there have been movies that parodied certain parts of movies for decades. Abbott and Costello and Laurel and Hardy used to do movies like that back in the 30s. But I am speaking of The Parody Movie, where the entire movie is a jab at a genre, movie, or pop culture. The aim of the Entire film, is to mock another film!

Though not as P.C as some may prefer, we began the movies I am speaking of with Films like Blazing Saddles . It is a jab at the stranger into town – hired gun – kills everyone – saves the town – moves on Western Film.

The 70s had several of these films. Including but not limited to…

Young Frankenstein (1974) and Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

Then the 80s continued the tradition with greats like:

Airplane! (1980) History of the World, Part I (1981) This Is Spinal Tap (1984) And Spaceballs (1987)

These were movies that legitimately followed the original stories and then threw in laughable satirical jabs at the genre. You would laugh as they made fun of people’s names or did something different from what you remember from the original film.

For Example, in the original Star Wars Luke and Darth Vader are having it our with Light Sabers and the dialogue goes something like this:

LUKE: I’ll never join you!
VADER: If you only knew the power of the dark side. Obi-Wan never told
you what happened to your father.
LUKE: He told me enough! He told me you killed him.
VADER: No. I am your father.

See then in Spaceballs, a DIRECT parody of Star Wars…the lines change up a little.

Dark Helmet:Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Star.
Lone Starr: What?
Dark Helmet: I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.
Lone Starr: What’s that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.

These make you smile laugh Giggle and chuckle. It is not intended to a serious attempt at cinema greatness, It’s sposed’ to make you crack up!

Then The 90s cracked out goodies like:Hot Shots! (1991) And Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood (1996) and Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)

But then… something happened in the 2000s.

The parody movie slowly digressed  into the Pop Culture Reference Movie.

So the first Scary movie comes out and as far as a parody goes, they did a reasonably job as they satired a movie. They mostly made fun of scream with a few other nods to other scary movies like: I Know what you did Last Summer, Blair Witch, and Sixth Sense. It followed a reasonable theme and it made good money and got lots of laughs.

But then, These writers decided that they could keep going, and they proceeded with Scary Movie 2 (which admittedly was funny) but then 3, and 4 …I’m sure 5 is in the making!

They progressively got less and less funny as they attempted to fit more and more movie and cultural references into each picture. To the point that you are confused as to what is happening in the plot. These movies end up going with scatological humor (poop dick and fart jokes) and low-end humor. Don’t get me wrong, I smiled and chuckled at parts but they end up being goofy movies that are just one random pop culture reference after another.

And if those weren’t enough to kill my faith in legitimate parodies these two gentlemen Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer got their feet wet with the un-comical lame and tiresome films such as  “Date Movie,” “Epic Movie” and “Meet the Spartans” (starring the elderly much less attractive Carmen Electra.

These movies follow the plot so loosely and instead of satirizing 2 or 3 movies its dozens they attempt to cram into a picture. It’s a mixed green salad of awful.

They sew together one of those awful patch quilts of  countless pop culture references that don’t match up, tie together, or even look good. But to them a blanket is a blanket.

I think Meet the Spartans had more cultural references than the last 4 episodes of ET.

Meet the Spartans for example tries to poke fun at 300, yes. But also, Spiderman, Rambo, Stomp the Yard, Transformers, Pimp my Ride, Ugly Betty, Dodgeball, GTA: San Andreas, American Idol, Heroes, Dancing with the Stars, Happy Feet, Tyra, Shrek, Ghost Rider, and many more obscure non related bits.

Its like 3 or 4 script runners were all running in the halls at the studio and all crashed into one another. So they all in a frantic reached down and started picking up what they thought was theirs. Thus these colossal trash films were born that are supposed to be hilarious.

They literally got worse and worse to the point that I haven’t even attempted to see the last few that came out. There was a Superhero Movie, and one called like Disaster Movie and a few others. Its like throwing up a little in your mouth, cinematically.

So I saw a preview for:

The 40 year old Virgin who Knocked up Sarah Marshall and felt Superbad about it

And foolishly I thought to myself, that could be funny. I’ll check it out!

I was wrong., Wrong, wrong ..wRONg…WRONg wrong, wroNG, WRONG WRONG  (double u argh oh enn gee) WRONG.

It single-handedly erased my confidence that a parody movie can be made any longer that will be humorous

So I am now pronouncing a terminal illness on parody films, you had a good run guys, but no longer. It will take a transition of EPIC proportions to get me to watch another parody film.

requiescat in pace Parody Movie!

As the Inaugural post to polluting the web with my simple thought… i’d like to offer a tribute!

Do you remember Paperboy for the orig’ NES? Oh what a game! the memories I have of that game. This game came out for the Nintendo in 84′ … great year. When I was like 4-5 years old that was a fantastic game to have. I mean sure Mario Brothers, Dig Dug, RBI baseball, Tyson’s punch out and all the others were great too. But I remember being especially fond of paperboy!

You got to see the houses that were your subscribers and those were your people. So you either tag the front door with a paper or if you were Gooooood then you rang em up into their mailbox!

Classic game! your job was to deliver to the blue houses (the subscribers) and to vandalize the red (non-subscriber) houses…. HA HA   SO, they’d become your subscribers. I always felt a little bad trying to smash windows with my leftover papers but it was always hilarious!

Then, in the midst of a regular 13 year old kids paper route you’d run into an array of “likely” hazzards. You know, cars, skateboards, lawnmowers, children playing, dogs…and of course RC Cars, Go Carts, and much worse.  The part I never liked as a little dude was when out of nowhere in the middle of suburbia an 8 foot TORNADO would come out and chase you down the street! HAHAHA     The part I luuuuuuved… was a woman would come tearing out of a house (USUALLY A SUBSCRIBER) and she would chase you down the street in a bathrobe and hairnet, and you would BRICK this woman in the FACE to get her to stop chasing you…classic!

Sure games evolved and became steadily more awesome, Goldeneye, Madden’s (all 45 of them), Halo, et cetera. BUT…there will always be a special place in my heart for paperboy!